Either I’m not getting enough Sun, my hormones are completely whacked out, or it’s a combination of both, but I’m suffering from a severe case of apathy.
I’m not sad or depressed, but I can’t seem to find a reason to care about much of anything more than what I’m required to do for work and family. I’m either in automatic or neutral, and don’t care enough to change gears even when I know I should.
I keep thinking I should be concerned, but I’m not. Mostly. Actually, I am concerned, but not enough to do anything about it.
Part of why I’m writing it down is so that maybe, just maybe doing so will push me out of this odd mood I’m in. Sometimes seeing what I’m thinking and feeling on the screen helps me to find a solution to whatever is bugging me.
Change o’ subject (sort of):
I’m thinking of changing the name of my blog again. This time to “Dear God. I Have Questions.”
Two reasons for this.
Once again, I volunteered to write several devotions for my church’s yearly Lenten devotional. Eight, actually, which is the most I’ve volunteered to write so far. In one of them I admitted I don’t love or trust God as much as I know I should. I take much of my faith for granted, and worse, when it starts to matter, I hide it away, afraid.
Many non-religious accuse religious people, Christians especially, as following blindly, never asking challenging questions. For some, that’s probably true. I’ve heard enough stories where church leaders have punished people in a variety of ways for daring to challenge their beliefs or orthodoxy.
Yet that’s far from biblical. In both the Old and New Testaments, God and Jesus encouraged questions and seemed to enjoy being challenged (as long as the questioner was genuine in wanting to learn). For example, in the Old Testament, Jacob literally wrestled with God–and would have won if God hadn’t cheated. In the New Testament, never once did Jesus condemn anyone for asking questions. Sure, he was tough on the Pharisees, but he also knew their motives; their questions were meant to trap him, not to learn.
I want to focus my blog on studying God’s word to strengthen my relationship with him, and hopefully show others that to be a Christian actually means to ask a lot of questions, to challenge our current religious thinking, and yes question what the Bible says about certain subjects we find objectionable or problematic (while at the same time knowing that my understanding of said scripture is what’s flawed, not the scripture itself).
I also hope that by increasing my time of study, it’ll kick me out of this apathetic funk.
2 thoughts on “Apathy”
Your writing about your feelings is a great way to deal with your apathy, as is your volunteering to write devotionals. You write, “I’ve heard enough stories where church leaders have punished people in a variety of ways for daring to challenge their beliefs or orthodoxy.” My major concern is the exact opposite, that being church leaders promoting people who I do not think based on my personal dealings with them are even entitled to any position of leadership within the church. I spend a good part of my prayers seeking God’s involvement in removing the evil spirits that live in such people, and note Bible Scholars are in agreement that the Bible instructs us to study and preach about all of God’s word, not just the parts that we think will not upset church members or potential church members.
“The more fully that the gospel is preached, in the grand old apostolic way, the more likely is it to accomplish the results which it did in the apostolic days.”
― Horatius Bonar
“There is no long-range effective teaching of the Bible that is not accompanied by long hours of ongoing study of the Bible.” ―D.A. Carson
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Thanks, Arnie! Great advice, and excellent quotes. I also agree that some churches are so afraid of offending their congregants, they’re watering down the Message. Jesus didn’t pull punches, so neither should we—pastors or otherwise.