No I didn’t decide to poo-poo oil and coal and go all solar/wind/electric on you.
Nor did I slip into a puddle of green paint.
I did slip, though, into envy.
When I attended the ACFW writer’s conference in 2010, I met a young gal who had also participated in the Genesis contest (different category).
Last night I found out on her Facebook page that hers has since been published.
My reaction was two-fold. First I was honestly happy for her. More stealthy, however, envy entered in through the back door of my psyche and made itself quite comfortable in my mind.
It’s understandable to be a little jealous of other people’s successes. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel it occasionally.
The problem with envy is instead of concentrating on my own life and success, I’m wasting my time and energy comparing myself to others. I at first thought I could use that envy to push myself to get something published, but then I ran across this:
Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless—like chasing the wind.
Ecclesiastes 4:4 (NLT)
Again, by doing so, I’m not focusing on the right thing. I’m still measuring my successes by others instead of measuring it how God measures it.
Envy is also a symptom of not trusting God with my success. I’m instead depending on my own strength and wisdom and attempting to go about — what I tell everyone is God’s plan for me — all by myself. How much sense does that make?
I like to tell people who write as a form of ministry: always pray before writing a single word. Can you guess whether or not I follow that advice?
You got it. Nope.
Even though I’m longing to see my own words in print — something God has told me more than once is the direction I’m supposed to go — I’m not going about it in the best or most efficient way.
By going about it without God by my side, all I’m doing is floundering. If I were to focus on Him and write with a prayerful, worshipful attitude, I might actually see the very results I’m envying others for achieving.