Is that an oxymoron?
I’ve always known my greatest weakness as a writer is description. Dialog I could write all day, and I’m comfortable writing action sequences.
Describing the sights, sounds and smells, on the other hand? Blech.
When “Traitors” finalled in the 2010 ACFW Genesis Contest, I was supposed to receive the final scoring from each of the three judges. I completely forgot about it until the contest coordinator emailed them to me this morning. Her life had some upheaval including a pregnancy, so she also forgot until today.
She attached the overall scoring of “Traitors” including the judges’ comments.
One contained a score of 81 (the lowest score). Comments included a question about whether the “. . . CBA is ready for this type of futuristic.” The short answer is “no” unfortunately. As for the story it had “a good strong opening, then it dragged.” Characterization was good, conflict excellent and dialog good.
No arguments on any of those.
Second judge gave it a score of 91 with only one comment: “Definitely a good read and a fast read. I was sad to come to the end of the sample — I wanted more!”
Every author wants to hear those words!
The third judge was a bit more thorough. He/she gave “Traitors” an overall score of 93. Added to the score sheet was the 15-page sample along with specific comments to the story itself.
Most of them focused on small continuity problems such as the main character calling another one simply “a woman” then a few paragraphs later he recognized her with no explanation as to how.
The judge also pointed out several instances of telling where I stop the story to explain something. And here I thought I eliminated most of it. Darn it. (I know I’m telling here, but adding specific examples would take too long. Instead click HERE for the 15-page excerpt and comments if’n you’re curious). Also, the excerpt in question has since been revised since the contest. The first part has since been taken out and moved to a prologue although I haven’t decided to keep even that, because I’m not a huge fan of prologues.
The judge pointed out more than once that “Traitors” is missing a lot of description, a failing I’ve known about for a long time. In fact as I’m rewriting my current WIP I’m concentrating on adding a lot more details.
Part of a writer’s responsibility is plunging the reader into our story world. Without setting description how will the reader know if they are sitting in a comfortable living room or standing on a frigid street corner? I know, more telling, but you get the point I’m sure.
Considering the comments, I’m tempted to set aside “The Red Dagger,” and applying the suggestions to “Traitors.” The problem is it’s still at Marcher Lord Press. Would it be better to wait until I hear a yea or nea on publication with them, or go ahead with the changes regardless of the outcome? Or perhaps let the publisher know what I’m doing and ask if he’d be willing to look at a revised version, especially if he’s not even looked at my submission, yet?
I’m leaning toward adding the missing details and work on the other issues the judge mentioned for no other reason than they’re fresh in my mind. I’ve got nothing to lose either way. On the other hand, I could use the practice on adding description. If I do it enough, perhaps I won’t dislike it so much. I may even get good at it.