February
8
2010
Another reason I hate (and I mean hate) asking others to pray for me is pride.
Admitting I have a problem and need help is exposing my weaknesses to everyone around me. It’s admitting I can’t do something on my own; that I don’t have any answers.
My last entry is a perfect example. I humbled myself before you, and less than twelve hours later I wanted to delete it.
In a country — perhaps the world — people are given praise for rising above their challenges without the help of others, especially an unseen God.
Do I not write well because I practice at it? Do I not have a child because my husband and I sought out a doctor to make it possible? Do I have a job where I make a decent living because I worked (no pun intended) at it for the last eighteen years?
Where was God in all that?
If he played no part in those things, why go to him now over something as simple as a skin disease?
Because for me I reached a breaking point. I can’t stand the pain anymore. I’ve tried the drugs, I’ve tried the creams, I’ve tried eliminating all perfumes and dyes from everything that touches my skin.
Yet still it persists.
As I noted in a comment to LK in the previous entry, that it’s stress related I have no doubt.
Eliminating that stress is another matter entirely. I’m no good at eliminating stress when it’s stress that drives me.
Maybe it’s not prayer I need after all.
February
7
2010
I’ve never been good at prayer, even praying for others.
Sure, I talk to God a lot; hardly a day passes when I don’t at least think about him.
But the on-my-knees fervent prayer? I can’t remember the last time when I felt moved to pray my heart out of my chest for myself or anyone else.
That makes asking for prayer from others all the more difficult. Part of me feels too unworthy to presume God will listen let alone care what this measly person wants or needs.
Certainly God has better things to do.
It’s made all the less likely I will ask when my needs are so small and even petty compared to others.
There are two things wrong with this attitude:
1. Of course I’m unworthy! Not a single person is worthy of God’s attention, let alone his grace. Yet he showers us with it anyway for no other reason than because He loves us. To turn down the opportunity for him to give us what we need, and sometimes what we want, insults him.
2. God does not compare me or my needs to others, therefore my needs are equally important to him as everyone else’s needs.
I compared prayer once years ago to a warehouse. By not asking God or asking others to pray for me, I’m going on the assumption that answers to prayer are finite and they should be “saved up” for the really big requests. I don’t want to empty that warehouse with my little stuff when they could be used for greater needs.
But the Bible says that prayer perpetuates itself. The more we pray, especially with others, the more God turns his ear.
Plus the Bible says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. (Phillipians 4:6)
One of my favorite people in the New Testament is Paul. He was always honest, especially with regard to his own weaknesses. Nor did he hold back in asking for prayer from others. He knew he needed it in order to complete God’s work.
So by not praying or asking for prayer — even for the little things — can I really complete the tasks God gives me?
The best reason of all to pray and to ask for it is the continual growth of my relationship with Jesus.
That said, I ask for your prayers this evening. When I was sixteen and gave my heart to Jesus, I also gave him my hands. I was writing a lot at that time, and quite by accident discovered it was my best way of praising and worshipping him. I wanted that to continue, so I gave him my hands to do with as he pleased.
In the last six months, my right hand has broken out with a semi-severe case of eczema. I can type okay, but writing with a pen or pencil is at times uncomfortable, other times near impossible.
I want my hand back.
I also want God to show me how I can worship and praise him better — with or without my hands. After all, they belong to God, not me. If the eczema must stay, I pray for the strength and will write through the pain.
January
29
2010
There are three advantages to not having published (traditionally) a single book:
1. No expectations.
By others, that is. I don’t have to worry about my words offending or pleasing anyone.
2. No deadlines.
If I don’t feel like writing one day (or year), I don’t have to. Unless, of course, my muse starts pounding on the back of my head to get to it.
3. No need to brainstorm ideas.
Once a writer signs a contract with a publisher, it’s usually for multiple books, and the writer is expected to churn out about one book a year.
Writing my first book was a dream. I spent a mere three months pounding out 103k words. The sequel I wrote a year later, and it took me only six months to write 130k words.”The Red Dagger” took a month to write 2/3 of it since it was my first national novel writing month effort. I then spent another three months finishing it. All three came to me with a flash of insight, so it felt more like dictation than actual writing.
Since then I’ve tried writing three other novels. None are finished. I can’t seem to bring out the passion to write them as I did my first three. Where are those flashes of insight? Or are they there, but buried deep within a pile of too-high expectations?
So thinking ahead, how can I meet the possible requirements of a publisher with one book a year?
Believe it or not, I think I can do it. Sometimes I merely need an outside source to push me to complete a project. Coming up with a good idea, however, proves to be the biggest challenge. Writing it comes in a close second.
For that reason alone, I admire authors who can continuously write one novel a year, and see a good portion of them succeed.
I’d love to be one of those.
January
28
2010
A few months ago, my mom mentioned a conversation we had when I was still a teenager.
I was reading a lot of those romance novels, and my mom told me I shouldn’t “read that trash.”
Apparently I looked up at her and said, “At least I’m reading.”
That shut her up. One of the few times in my life (hee, hee).
Reading has always been one of my great joys. My favorite books growing up varied from “Charlotte’s Web” to “A Wrinkle in Time.”
The romance novel stage lasted no longer than three months when I finally decided they were all the same. I also tired of the graphic depiction of every sex scene. Blech. From there, I graduated to authors such as Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Robert McCammon, Graham Masterson, Anne McCaffrey, Robert Silverman and Larry Niven.
The best part about sticking to several authors is seeing how they grow in their writing and storytelling, and how they fall.
By studying these authors, I learned – however subconsciously at first – how to weave a good plot with interesting characters, and tell it well.
My most recent find is LK Hunsaker.
Admittedly I purchased her first novel, “Finishing Touches” out of mere economics. I think it’s important to support authors, especially indies who absorb all the publication costs themselves.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed “Finishing Touches” and went on to purchase the first two installments of her “Rehersal” series.
LK writes literary romance, not a genre on my gotta-read-no-matter-what list. In fact it’s near the bottom. I’m more the sci-fi, fantasy, give-me-great-action-with-lots-of-death-and-mayhem reader.
So how could I have the patience to not only read her books, but enjoy them? As she describes what her books are not on her website: ~Not all Romance is graphic/~ Not all Literary fiction is stuffy. I heartily agree.
Even though there’s little by way of blood and guts, her books are quite active with plenty of conflict. It’s mostly either an internal struggle or relational struggle.
LK knows how to create complex characters and writes them so well, you not only can relate to them, but fall in love with them.
“Off the Moon,” is her latest novel. As it’s described on the back cover: “Riveting” Ryan Reynauld is immersed in a world of music, parties, and temporary companionship. Having risen to the top of the pop charts, his biggest concern is objecting to the way his music is produced. That is, until he finds a young woman standing on a window ledge. Against the advice of family and friends, and through media attacks and fan protests, Ryan determines to care for her himself, making a promise that threatens to destroy his career.
“Convincing the skittish girl she can learn to trust again comes with a steep price. Sometimes the path to recovery begins by allowing your world to implode.”
This book shows how much LK has grown into her craft. Her characters, especially Ryan and the girl, Kaitlyn, are as I expect from LK; deep, believable and ones the reader can both root for or want to slap upside the head at times.
As far as the writing itself, it’s concise and flows extremely well. One of her best efforts yet. I read it in less than a week, sacrificing many hours of sleep to finish it.
“Off the Moon” begins with a punch: Ryan tries to talk Kaitlyn out of jumping off the ledge of a building. Deathly afraid of heights, but equally desperate that she doesn’t jump, he manages to swallow his fear and get on the ledge with her.
As I read, I wondered how the title tied in to the story, and about half-way through, LK revealed its importance. She also adroitly (one of my favorite words), tied this story in with her “Rehearsal” series. That surprised me some, but I was also very pleased. It was a mere touch of what’s to come with no details, only the mention of a serious conflict.
Way to go, LK. Now I really can’t wait until the next ones come out.
“Off the Moon,” is not only a love story, but shows how the unwavering love and dedication of one person can heal lifetime’s worth of horrifying wounds of abuse – no matter what the cost.
You can find out more about LK and her books (including purchasing options) at www.lkhunsaker.com
January
27
2010
As a writer, entertaining “what if” is what I do. No story can begin with out asking that seemingly simple question.
There are the depressing what if’s when looking at the woulda-shoulda-couldas of our past.
Then there are the future “what ifs”.
I asked a big “What if” last night: What if I actually win the ABNA contest?
Now there’s something that’ll get the heart going.
But my reaction isn’t what you imagine. I didn’t smile at the idea, fantasizing over how I would spend the $15k, and the sheer joy over actually — finally — seeing my words in print that I didn’t have to pay for. With cash that is.
I cried. Out of disappointment. Perhaps it was due to a terrible headache, and a little boy who refused to let me sit on the couch and mope about it.
There’s always a sense of sadness when I finish a book along with that feeling of accomplishment. I guess the act of writing holds more allure than finishing it. Once it’s done, I think, “Now what?” For a few days I actually feel a little lost, as though my purpose in life has escaped me.
And coming up with a new book idea? Yikes.
But the disappointment that came with the thought I might actually win this thing went deeper than not feeling well.
That’s not to say I wouldn’t be thrilled if my book won. I would be. As with most my books, I love this one. I adore the characters, and I think both the story itself and the world it resides in is both interesting and sound. I think it’s worthy to be published.
If “The Red Dagger” wins, I would be sad as well as excited, because it isn’t my first novel. It’s not the one I spent over the last eight years writing, editing, crying and sweating over.
Granted few first novels make publication. Even if “Traitors”, my first, never reaches bookstore shelves, I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. “Traitors” was where I learned to write and to edit.
Without “Traitors,” “The Red Dagger” would never have been written. They both take place in the same universe, and have some of the same characters, including the main character named Titus. The main difference is “Traitors” is Christian Science Fiction whereas “The Red Dagger” contains no overt Christian components.
So even if “The Red Dagger” makes publication prior to “Traitors,” there could still be a chance for “Traitors” sometime down the road.
To keep my mind away from the contest, I will tackle the next installment of Titus’s story. I will be using a story template developed by Amy Deardon, author of “Lever Long Enough,” to help me develop it, because right now, I don’t have a clue where to begin!
January
25
2010
Okay, I’m not as pessimistic as the title sounds. After all, why enter a contest at all if I don’t believe I have a chance?
However slight.
Last night Amazon’s Breakout Novel Award contest opened for submissions. I stayed up until 1:45 am to complete my final edits of “The Red Dagger,” including a 300-word pitch. Although the submission deadline isn’t until February 7, they are also only accepting 10,000 entries, 5,000 for the general fiction category, and 5,000 for the young adult. It’s quite possible they’ll receive the entry limit before the deadline, so I decided to submit mine as soon as I could.
Luckily in the meantime I can still go in and edit my entry until the deadline or when the 5,000 entries are reached.
But it’s still a bit nerve-wracking. I won’t know until February 25 whether or not “The Red Dagger” made it to the next round. 1,000 entries will be chosen for the second round. Assuming they receive 5,000 entries, that gives me a 20% or 1:5 chance. Not horrible odds.
The great thing about making the second round is my entry will be critiqued by a top Amazon reviewer. Since few people have seen any part of my book, I could use the input.
In fact, if you’re interested in giving me your own thoughts (especially since I have some time to edit my entry), you can download a pdf of the pitch and the first 5,000 words HERE.
Question for you. If you keep a blog, how many times do you read through and edit an entry after you submit it? For this one, I’m on edit #6.
Make that seven.
Eight.
January
23
2010
I recently read an article on the controversy surrounding gun sight manufacturer, Trijicon, engraving Bible verses on their gun sights.
At first I was a bit ambivalent about the whole thing. Until I learned a few things.
One, the sights didn’t contain the entire verses, but referenced them on the serial number such as JN8:12 and 2COR4:6.
Some claimed this was proselytizing, a big no-no especially in Iraq and Afghanistan where the population is largely Muslim.
A reverend by the name of Welton Gaddy, president of the Interfaith Alliance claimed the little numbers violate the rules on soldiers not proselytizing. He added, “Images of American soldiers as Christian crusaders come to mind when they are carrying weaponry bearing such verses.”
I laughed. For one, no one would know that was a Bible verse by looking at the little number, and if they did, they would have to look it up.
As for the proselytizing, a soldier would have to run up to a person, Muslim or otherwise, and say, “Look at my gunsight! The serial number is a Bible verse! Here, let me drop my weapon, pick up my Bible and read it to you!”
The verses aren’t meant for the enemy, but for the soldier holding the weapon. Some would complain that it’s inappropriate to place a Bible verse on weapon designed to kill someone.
War by its definition is destructive, hell on earth if you will. But it’s a cold reality. Jesus was not so naive to think mankind would discontinue warring against itself when he came to earth. Nor did he attempt to stop war. He even said his coming would bring war, not peace. His mission was to save every man and woman’s soul, not create an idealistic utopia.
Nor did he say we should not fight; there are times when it’s necessary, if distasteful. In fact when he sent out his disciples he said they must take a sword, and if not, “sell your cloak and buy one.” (Luke 24:36) He knew the importance of self-protection. God protects us from many things, but they’re mostly spiritual. He doesn’t necessarily protect us from all the evil in the world. Would you tell a father to not protect his child from a kidnapper, his wife from a rapist, or himself from a murderous thief?
Would you tell a soldier not to protect himself, his fellow soldiers or his country? Regardless if you think a specific war is just, it’s there, it’s real, and we must deal with it. Where would we be if we did not fight in WWI or WWII? There were Christians on both sides of those conflicts, fighting and killing each other, and each believing their cause was God’s cause. Did God condemn one over the other, or did he judge each according to his own heart?
I prefer a soldier be reminded that Jesus is the light of the world on a gun sight than not at all. Yet as far as controversies go, this is minimal. Besides it’s moot now since they removed the verses. But if our government was to say no soldier is allowed to wear a cross or carry a Bible in his pack, then I would scream a little louder.
After all, what is a soldier but a living weapon? What is humankind but the greatest weapon of mass destruction, because it’s man who thinks up the weapons in the first place?
A knife cannot cut until someone picks it up. A gun cannot fire until someone pulls the trigger, and a number cannot preach until someone looks it up and repeats it to another.
January
12
2010
When any muscle is not used after a certain spell of time, it atrophies.
The same could be said of the brain. I must be losing braincells, because I had no idea my blog has sat silent since before Christmas. Where did the time go? Did it slide away, down the proverbial drain along with my gray matter?
My brain hasn’t seen much exercise lately. I’ve written little, read little. Instead I’m watching the Food Network during my free time (all two hours of it after my little guy goes to bed). No wonder I’m hungry all the time.
At this rate I can forget submitting my book to Amazon’s Breakout Novel Award contest. It’s less than two weeks away, and I’ve only edited 45 pages — out of 223. If I motivate myself, I can still make it, though.
The problem is, will my apathetic, atrophied gray matter handle the exercise without burning out or overheating and leaking out my ears?
How’s that for an image?
I know, boring entry, but I felt like writing something.
December
24
2009
Yesterday as I punched out a few paragraphs of “The Red Dagger” I hope to submit to Amazon’s Breakout Novel contest, I realized rewriting the entire thing may not be the best strategy.
The contest begins January 25, and that means I would have to punch out over 75,000 words in 30 days. With Christmas, a week’s vacation in Texas from December 29 – January 5, plus other obligations including an author interview with Becky Levine and putting together a Celebration of Life book for a dear friend that passed away five days ago, where will I find the time to write?
Instead I will edit the original document using notes I wrote on the hard copy. With a few added scenes I have planned, that means I will only have to type 10k-15k words. Much more doable in thirty days.
Whether you celebrate Christmas as a time to enjoy family and gift-giving, or celebrate the birth of our Savior, I pray it’s full of joy and laughter.
Stay safe and warm, and I’ll likely see you all after the New Year.
December
19
2009
Last night I watched “The Santa Clause II” with Tim Allen. Not the greatest movie of all time, but not a total waste, either.
There is one line in there, however, that says a lot about what having faith in the unseen really means.
“Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing.”
For some, the idea of an unseen God seems so foreign. How can a God exist who allows evil to flourish all over the world? If this so called omnipotent God is so perfect and good, then why does he sit back and do nothing?
Easy words, and a difficult question I cannot answer even now. All I can say is once I took up Jesus’s invitation to salvation, I began to see less of evil’s triumph, and more of the good. He shows me, bit by bit that even though evil lurks and wins many a battle on this earth, God also wins a few, and will in the end win this war.
He never said life would be fair or easy, but that as long as we believe and trust in him, we will see and take part in his ultimate triumph.
In fact, Jesus won the war 2000 years ago when he came to this earth and willingly — out of pure love — accepted the sacrifice for all our evil deeds. All he asks for in return is our love.
I can’t think of a better gift, for Christmas or any other day of the year.
"A Reason to Hope" is now 25% off through March, 2010.
